Teaching Gratitude in Your Children
If you’re a parent, you’ve been there. In the checkout line at the grocery store where your child is screaming because you won’t buy them the candy bar they want. At home where they are stomping around yelling that you “never” let them do anything fun, and all their friends get to do things you won’t let them do. At their birthday party, whining because the doll they unwrapped isn’t the exact one they wished for. It can be jarring as parents to witness these scenes, knowing that you’ve tried your best to instill a sense of gratitude in your children. You may feel like a failure, like you’ve raised entitled kids who will never be able to appreciate the things they have and the people who do so much for them. But, the reality is, sometimes children just get overwhelmed by emotions like jealousy, selfishness, and impatience, which makes it hard for gratitude to come to the surface. It’s completely normal, and to be expected.
This doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Your children are not destined to live a life of entitlement, never able to recognize the good things in their lives. These are passing moments that all children are likely to experience in their formative years. The good news is, you can start instilling gratitude from a very young age, so when these moments arise, you know they’re just a blip on the radar. So how do you do it? How do you make sure your children are able to experience thankfulness and express gratitude as they grow?
It starts with you. Modeling gratitude is one of the most effective ways to raise children who are also grateful. Tell your children about things you are thankful for in your own life. Let them hear you express your appreciation about and to others.
If you see your child looking at or listening to something, ask them what they noticed. Take time to listen to them, even if it’s not convenient for you in the moment. Acknowledging their sense of wonder and making time to notice the little things sets the stage for them to show appreciation in many ways for years to come.
Each day, take turns talking about things you are grateful for. For very young children, you might ask, “What made you happy today?” Daily expressions of gratitude are shown to increase well-being and life satisfaction, so starting this practice in your family will benefit you and them.
Find moments throughout your day to start these conversations with your children. While talking around the dinner table is a great time, we all know schedules are busy, and life can be chaotic. For little ones, talk on the way to day care or school, at bath time, or when you are tucking them into bed. For older kids, bring it up during a car ride, while you’re waiting in the dentist’s office, or even text them the question. Finding little pockets of time to cultivate gratefulness in conversation creates a habit that will benefit them throughout their lives.
At Saint Henry School in Nashville, kindergarteners in Mrs. Vaillancourt’s class have learned about generosity and gratitude through a lesson called “Money Mondays.” Part math lesson and part giving, the children in Mrs. Vaillancourt’s class brought in coins each Monday to learn about their value, learn how to count by ones, fives, tens, and twenty-fives, and talk about what they can buy with a penny, nickel, dime, or quarter. As a class project, they decided to choose a nonprofit where they could donate the money they brought in. Collected from piggybanks and tooth fairy money, lucky pennies found on the ground, and quarters earned from extra chores, every coin was a way to teach the children to be grateful for what they have and generous to those in need. “Learning about the value of money is important but learning about how we can make a difference with that money is even more so,” Mrs. Vaillancourt said. The class collected a total of $145, and Nurture the Next was fortunate enough to be the recipient of the donation. Even pennies, nickels, and dimes can help children understand the concept of gratitude and thanksgiving.
This time of year, many people begin reflecting on what they are thankful for. If you don’t already have the habit within your family unit of practicing gratitude, now is the perfect time to start. Simple conversations build over time, so starting now will get your children in the habit of cultivating gratitude for years to come. There will still be times when kids whine about not having the toy of the moment, forget to say “thank you” to someone who gave them a gift, or act as though they have nothing good in their lives. Don’t fret. It’s all normal. Gratitude isn’t something that simply happens overnight. But over time, you can raise children who will live a thankful, grateful life.