Let’s all aim to prevent child abuse, not just report it
On April 1, Governor Bill Lee started his daily press briefing on the COVID-19 pandemic by recognizing April as National Child Abuse Prevention Month and giving a call to action for all Tennesseans to be vigilant in reporting any cases of suspected child abuse or neglect. He made these comments because reports of suspected or known child abuse and neglect to the Tennessee Department of Children’s Services 24/7 hotline are down significantly compared to this time last year.
Like many others, Gov. Lee theorized that this drop in calls is happening because children and teens are not being seen by adults outside of families, such as teachers, ministers and nonprofit professionals, who make up a significant portion of monthly callers to the hotline. Gov. Lee also reminded the public that in Tennessee everyone who is 18 years or older is required to report suspected and/or known child abuse and neglect.
We are grateful that Gov. Lee brought attention to this critical issue. He urged family members, friends and neighbors to be vigilant about signs of abuse or neglect in the children in their families and social circles. We would add to his plea, by saying: You can help prevent child abuse too.
Every day, across all socio-economic and cultural divides, most children and teens in any community are protected from being injured by abuse or neglect by parents. At PCAT, we say that parents are our most important collaborators in our work to prevent child abuse and neglect. All of our programs are intended to educate and empower parents to be their children’s first teacher and a provider of the kind of safety, stability and nurturing that kids need to thrive. But accomplishing that can be challenging in the best of times. Let’s be honest, parenting isn’t easy.
Now, consider the new high levels of stress we’re all experiencing from this pandemic. Our routines have been disrupted. We’re socially isolated. Many of us are facing employment uncertainty or job loss. Families in our community who are most vulnerable—who were already living in poverty or facing other personal challenges—are feeling these added pressures the most.
Our government and nonprofit community can go a long way to meet the basic needs of parents to care for their children through this crisis. But in order to prevent child abuse and neglect, it has to be augmented by the kind of social and emotional support that only other parents, family members, friends and neighbors can offer each other.
Studies after WWII and Hurricane Katrina repeatedly show that children and teens manage stress related to war or a natural disaster better when parents are able to provide affection and safety. Love and structure go a long way to buffering the impact of any crisis on children. But parents also need love and structure—particularly during a crisis—in order to best provide it for their kids.
The very same group that Gov. Lee charged with being vigilant about signs of child abuse and neglect is also the group that PCAT views as having the greatest potential to prevent it, especially during this pandemic. Regular connections that provide social and emotional support to parents are as important to preventing child abuse and neglect as increased vigilance for signs and symptoms and mandated reporting can be. If you know a parent, you can help. It can be as simple as picking up the phone and texting, calling, or “FaceTiming” to check on how they’re doing or offer support. Even if you’re not a parent yourself or don’t feel like you can offer advice, all you really need to do is be a good listener for ten minutes.
Here are some tips for anyone who wants to support parents in their social circles during this challenging time:
Check-in by phone or test with parents in your social circle and ask open ended questions that offer opportunities for them to talk and for you to listen, like “How are you doing today?”, “What’s happening at your house?”, “Is there anything that’s particularly worrying you today?”, “What’s your best/worst quarantining-with-kids story of the day?” It’s not important to have an answer or to “fix” anything for that parent. The goal is to provide a non-judgemental ear that allows for open expression of fears and feelings—that experience alone for many parents can be a great stress buster.
For parents who are uniquely stressed or alone, offer to set up a check-in schedule for calls with them—daily or once or twice weekly. Don’t over promise your availability—what’s important is that the parent can count on the date and time.
If you aren't parenting children or teens yourself, offer to schedule FaceTime activities with the family’s kids. This can be as simple as playing a game, drawing with or reading to younger children or asking a teen to teach you something new about an app on your phone. Again, scheduling and following through is as important as the activity. It offers the parent a dependable time for a “break” from the kids.
Dads checking in with dads has great potential for alleviating stress and isolation that can be particularly elevated in men because of our “men don’t cry” culture.
Encourage parents to use a daily schedule to alleviate stress in simple ways. The schedule can be as simple as getting up and going to bed at a set time daily, gathering for a family meal daily, making time for a walk outside alone or with children and teens, and setting up times and spaces for kids to engage in some kind of learning, whether or not their school is providing online teaching.